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Are Your Kids Stalling When You Want to Leave the House? Use This Trick

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by Carolyn 36 Comments

Some of my worst parenting moments when the twins were toddlers were when we were trying to  get out the door to go somewhere. Not only was it the chore of getting the diaper bag ready, it was the trial of herding the boys into the car. They just didn’t want to get in the car or the car seat. It was a 10 minute process and sometimes ended ugly. Definitely not my finest parenting moments.

I started talking to friends and one recommended the book Love and Logic. As soon as I figured out this one trick, I found I could stay a step ahead of the situation. This even worked on all sorts of situations like leaving a store or just going upstairs to bed.

When I used this trick getting out the door with my kids was so much easier. These types of tricks in my Mommy bag just help make the day run smoother.

Here is the big parenting trick that saved me many many times…

Give 2 choices but both choices end with the result you want.

If you are like me when I first read it you are saying, “that’s impossible”. This is where we get tricky with our kids. We can outsmart our 2 and 3 year olds, right?? Ok, maybe not sometimes but here is how to come up with your choices.

Let’s say you want your kid to get in the car. They are stalling and running around screaming “No!” when you get close to pick them up. You can say “Do you want to get in your seat by crawling like a kitty cat or do you want me to pick you up like a super hero and you fly in?” Both are a fun choice and they are likely to pick one.

Now this situation works the very best when you know what situations makes your child stall the most. Now my kids would hate going up our stairs at bedtime because they knew the day was over. We started planning ahead and got ourselves into the routine of always having 2 animals to choose from to act like as we went up the stairs. Every night instead of going up the stairs I would say, do we want to act like monkeys or stomp like dinosaurs while we go up the stairs. They would focus on the choice instead of the act I wanted them to do.

The Hard Part

I found being creative when you are working on the fly to sometimes be difficult. If they all of a sudden don’t want to leave a friend’s house and I am in a hurry or tired, it is hard to come up with 2 choices that both work to get your child to do what you need them to do.

But after you get into the routine of offering 2 choices it does come easier because your brain has lots of previous winners. Do they want Mommy to jump around like a kangaroo or do they want to see who can sing twinkle twinkle the loudest while they put on their coat?

When I am regularly using this in my arsenal of Mom tricks we can get out the door without much fuss and with actual smiles on our faces. I love having some parenting tricks to help calm any power struggles between my kids and I, like in my previous post when your child wants to have the last word in arguments.

Kid stalling | Mom Tip | When I used this trick getting out the door with my kids was so much easier. These types of tricks in my Mommy bag just help make the day run smoother.

I don’t read a ton of parenting books but Love and Logic was worth the time to read it. Do you have any parenting books you recommend? I have the 2 choices from Love and Logic pretty well now. The next thing I need to get under control is arguing/teasing amongst siblings. It never ends, always something else we need to work on, right? I have the book Positive Discipline on my nightstand to read next. I’ll take other suggestions too. Let’s help each other.

Let me know if these tips work for you.

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Filed Under: Raising Kids

Comments

  1. Joules (from Pocketful of Joules) says

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    Getting my slow poke out of bed is the WORST, but recently I realized that if I start singing Old McDonald has a farm it is too hard for him to resist filling in the name of an animal… lol

    Reply
    • Carolyn says

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      That’s a good one. Love that idea.

      Reply
  2. Shann says

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    This is such a great idea! I also have twin boys. MIne are 4, and still stall when it comes to getting in the car, or leaving somewhere fun. I need to think up a couple choices ahead of time. I wish I had some advice on the arguing because it never stops in our house.

    Reply
    • Carolyn says

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      Yes, our arguing is more between the youngest and the older two. My twins get along really great but when you throw my daughter in the mix it is non stop arguing.

      Reply
  3. Kam Kay says

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    Giving them two choices always worked wonders for me as well, instead of asking them a choice between yes or no. Thanks for the great tips!

    Reply
  4. Rachel Langer says

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    I had no problems with this when my boys are little but they sure stall now as preteens! I am going to use this same trick and see how it goes. If nothing else they will continue to think I am nuts. ?

    Reply
    • Carolyn says

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      Oh man…I was hoping it ended when they got older. 🙂

      Reply
    • Claire says

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      I think you make a good if accidental point. This two-choices thing seems fun and gentle, but ultimately, does it work? Does the lesson stick? This is my biggest frustration with most modern-day parenting advice. It is so often kid-centered, when the real lesson that needs to be learned is “mom is in charge and you must obey, whether you want to or not.” I know this isn’t the “fun” lesson. Certainly it isn’t the easy lesson. But I fear we are missing the forest for the trees and ultimately trading obedience for games that they will one day outgrow. At some point, I think we just need to teach the hard lesson and expect excellence.

      Reply
      • Becky says

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        I agree totally with what you’re saying here. I’m having problems with my 4 year old and we’ve always been able to offer him choices about what to do. Unfortunately now he doesn’t seem to understand that we are in charge and he has to do what a grown up says. Its a difficult balance!

        Reply
  5. Ashleigh says

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    This is great! I always try to use incentives when I see one of my kids stalling. Recently, my 5 year old has been dragging his feet when I need to leave. He’s very emotional, so, and this might seem mean, but I will go open the garage and get in the car as though I’m leaving, and he always comes running out thinking I’m leaving him. I think it’s funny and it works all the time.

    Reply
    • Carolyn says

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      I have had to resort to that once before too. Now that my boys are a little older they don’t care…they are like “sweet, I’ll have the whole house to myself!”. They basically call my bluff.

      Reply
  6. Sara Buckner says

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    This is such a good ides! i don’t have kids yet but I’ll have to remember this when i do and struggle with getting them out the door.

    Reply
  7. Amanda Love says

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    I’ve been a parent for 20 years and I use that trick especially now with my youngest. She gets choices and she thinks she’s doing it on her own but I outsmarted her. 😀

    Reply
    • Carolyn says

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      Yep, I love outsmarting them. Once they get a little older they seem to outsmart me more often. 🙂

      Reply
  8. Yanique Chambers says

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    I will have to try this technique with my daughter. She hates going to bed and always stalls. I can see how it would get tricky trying to think of things on the fly. I will probably make up some prearranged choices for situations I know she will stall in before hand to make coming up with choices a little easier.

    Reply
  9. Terri Steffes says

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    As a school principal, this is how I ran my building, using Love and Logic. I loved this book! I’m not sure that all my teachers were on board with it, I think sometimes they just wanted fire and brimstone stuff.

    Reply
  10. Rose Sahetapy says

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    Kids like something that make them think instead giving them an order. The idea of giving two choices is really good and like you said, this idea can be used on every situation.

    Reply
  11. Mrs. AOK says

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    I’m not sure where I read it or if I saw it on a television show, but I remember getting this advice from somewhere about “giving choices”, which is honestly one of the best pieces of advice in my 14 years of motherhood. I can honestly say giving my children two options has helped to keep flow in my home.

    Reply
  12. Rebecca Bryant says

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    this is a great idea. Luckily my son is petty good about getting out of the house on time.

    Reply
  13. Debra says

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    I use this trick for a lot of things and it works like a charm! It is seriously my favorite parenting trick!

    Reply
  14. Vicky says

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    That is a great book. So many good tips and practical advice.

    Reply
  15. Dawn McAlexander says

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    My daughter is usually pretty good about leaving when I need her to. She is 19 though.

    Reply
  16. jill conyers says

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    I’ve never had this problem with my kids but the tip will be helpful to many.

    Reply
  17. Denea says

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    My son is so bad at this, that every morning I get frustrated. I will take these tips in and hopefully use them!

    Reply
  18. Heather says

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    My kids are usually pretty good when we have to get going out of the house. I wonder if this would work for my husband – he seems to give me more trouble 😀

    Reply
    • Carolyn says

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      Funny! Let’s try it on adults too and see if it works. 😉

      Reply
  19. Pam says

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    I do this all the time in the classroom! It really does work wonders to give a child a choice. The important part is remembering that the outcome should be in your favor. 🙂

    Reply
  20. Baby Names says

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    I believe all the parents meet this problem when we are ready to leave, this post is helpful!

    Reply
    • Carolyn says

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      I am so glad. Yes, it is nice when we find a way to get them to easily get out the door.

      Reply

Trackbacks

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    […] When some friends were discussing this very subject I jumped right in eagerly hoping for some solutions. They always have the best ideas that I have shared before with Does Your Child Always Need to have the Last Word In Arguments? and Is Your Child Stalling When You Want to Leave The House? Use This Trick. […]

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  2. Does Your Child Always Need the Last Word in Arguments? Here is What to Say. says:
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    […] I am currently reading Siblings Without Rivalry by W. W. Norton and Co. and it has some great tips. I will write a post when I have finished about my thoughts. I have also gotten a lot of help from Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay and use it in our lives all the time such as When Your Child Stalls When You Are Trying To Get Out the Door. […]

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    […] me when we were trying to get out the door. I go into more detail about the techniques on my post, Are your kids stalling when you want to leave the house? Use this trick. The way to get a kid to do what you need them to do by offering them 2 choices (both options are […]

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Welcome to Fennell Seeds. I am Carolyn Fennell and I have twin boys and a little girl. Do you feel like you are struggling to keep up with your house, life and all the little things? Let's figure out short cuts and helpful tips together. Welcome! Read more...

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