Expert Tips to Help Your Child to Play Independently
“Mommy, play with me!”.
I hear that over and over from my youngest. My daughter is 4 years old and wants to play dolls all day long. I am just not used to this because my boys are 8-year-old twins and have always played with each other. I didn’t realize how lucky I had it with them. Even though they were a ton of work they were never in need of a playmate.
I also think she loves creative imaginative play more than the boys and that style of play is much more fun with another person. My boys played cars, trains or sports and they had a built-in playmate.
While I am trying to add more playdates to her life, I am also trying to build her independence and teach her to enjoy playing by herself. I do enjoy playing with her but she wants me to sit with her all day and that just isn’t possible with trying to keep up with everything else in our lives.
When some friends were discussing this very subject I jumped right in eagerly hoping for some solutions. They always have the best ideas that I have shared before with Does Your Child Always Need to have the Last Word In Arguments? and Is Your Child Stalling When You Want to Leave The House? Use This Trick.
Here were the suggestions to help foster independent playtime:
- Have an official no-Mommy play time every day. It helps to have it at the same time during your daily schedule.
- Put out a few toys to help them get started. Toys that were on a higher shelf or were put away will now be “new” to them.
- Have something they are looking forward to at the end of independent play time. An example is to have independent play time the 30 mins prior to snack time. If they can play 30 mins on their own they get to choose their snack.
- Make sure the kids have access to toys at their level in baskets or lower shelves.
I also went to a bunch of parenting experts websites to see what they had to say on the subject. Out of over 10 articles there were 2 that were my favorites: Janet Lansbury’s article “Stop Entertaining Your Toddler” and Parenting.com’s article “Raising a Child Who Can Entertain Herself“.
To summarize these articles they talk about the importance of starting independent play when children are babies and when they are having difficulties figuring things out to not immediately jump in to fix the problem. Let the children try to figure things out for themselves.
One of my favorite tips is to have fewer toys in their play area. Our playroom is a disaster right now and this is motivating me to go clean out a lot of toys and focus on a cleaner more minimalist room. I’ll definitely write a post and photograph a before and after when I get to work on that next week.
In the meantime I am going to use the tips of having her do independent play time before snack time every day and make it a daily routine with a set end point. I want her to slowly realize that she can enjoy this time and not need me to sit next to her.
Do you have any tips to help with independent play time?
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When my boys were super little, they loved just bouncing and playing in those little saucers. I really think that alone time helped them to become independent players when they were older.
I think it’s amazing to make them play on their own. That’s the best way to exercise their creativity and develop their imagination. I have three kids and when the two were little there were times wherein they would play on their own, in a different room as well. These tips that you have here are very helpful!
Thank you. My little girl is like my 3rd leg. I am trying to get her to play for a few minutes by herself, it is hard.
No-mommy playtime was the hardest for my first.. because he had no one to play with. But it’s def a good idea.
I think that is part of my problem. She has 2 older brothers but there is a slight age gap of 4 years plus they are twins so are very close to each other. She really doesn’t have anyone to play with so it is Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. 🙂
We always tended to make sure that the toys were all accessible to the kids when they were younger. It did make a mess when they would drag more than one thing out at once, but they were playing independently.
This is really interesting! We haven’t really had a “no-mommy” play time, but that sounds like a good idea. I have always tried to have a quiet time for all of us, and that is when my kids tend to play independently these days.
My son is a year old and he’s perfectly content to play on his own most times. It would drive me up the wall worried wondering what is he up to, sure enough he’s crawling off to a no-no area, so I end up always having to drag him to his designated area. But there are times he just wants to be around me when I’m in the kitchen or to his daddy when he’s working. =/
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I don’t have children, but when I do, I’d hope they learn to play independently. These are helpful tips that I’ll have to keep in mind!
Great list! My daughter is an only child so it was definitely a challenge to get her to play alone! The whole no mommy time was what worked for her.
This is a great topic. I have a child with autism and working from home makes it difficult during those times when he requires my attention while I have to get work done. I have a visual timer that I use to help him understand when he’ll have my attention again, and I have an mp3 player with all his favorite songs that he loves listening to. I only use this for two occasions – when I’m working and can’t give him my attention, and when we go to places that are too noisy and he needs the music to help tune out the noise. It’s always a treat when he get’s to use it!
That’s an awesome idea to use music. I think we have a CD player that we haven’t used in a while. I am going to get that out again. Thanks!
This is a great way for children to become more independent. Also, I believe this promotes pretend-play which is an important part of child development.
These are some great tips! As a work at home mom, I sometimes need my child to be able to play independently and sometimes, I struggle with that! Thanks for the tips.
These are great tips that I will have to use with my kids. I was always independent and played by myself but my son loves to have someone play with him.