Congratulations! There is a new baby in the family. Everyone is thrilled and even your first-born is showing signs of loving the new baby. You are doing everything to prevent new sibling resentment and it seems to be working until you hear “Why do we always have to do everything for the baby?”.
I was at a park one day with several friends and heard a mother tell her son, “Come on, Brian, we need to leave so I can get Katie home for a nap.” When I saw that kids face when he looked at his little sister I knew exactly what was going on in his little head….resentment. I made it my mission to avoid those looks from my sons as much as possible.
One Tip to Prevent New Sibling Resentment
I noticed how often I was telling my children that we had to leave things due to their sister. It was an everyday occurrence and sometimes multiple times. It was too much to expect them to understand that a newborns needs came before their own. There is definitely a time to teach them that newborn needs are important but every day was just too much.
From then on I vowed that I would never tell my older kids that we had to leave something they were enjoying because of the baby. I come up with a reason that doesn’t involve the baby.
“Come on, Dean and Caden, we need to get home because I need to start laundry.” or “Hey guys, we are leaving in 5 minutes because we all need to get home for dinner.”
Anything that makes it not the new siblings fault. I am happy to take the fall for leaving a fun outing or having to drag everyone in the car to go to an appointment. These small statements prevent a lot of resentment from the older siblings on the new baby.
It is a good thing for kids to learn patience and the importance of caring for the new baby. There are several other ways that patience and caring are being taught at home. Such as, when the baby is being fed the older ones must play independently. Also, letting your child help at home with holding a bottle or fetching a diaper.
Check out some other tips to Prevent Sibling Fights or Help Get You Out the Door when your kid is Stalling.
Do you have any tips to share about siblings? I am always trying to learn and foster good sibling relationships in our house.
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I’m not yet a mother, but this one tip actually makes sense! I have two younger brothers, but I don’t remember ever feeling resentful when they arrived in the family. I’ll have to ask my mom about this; it’ll be an interesting story!
I needed this read! We are due with our second child in April and I have been trying to mentally prep myself and my son. This is such a great tip and never thought of it! We actually talked about how my son needs to be a little more independent in the morning because pretty soon I am going to have to get two kids and myself ready and out the door on time.
So glad it can help. Good luck with your 2nd, it really will all work out. 🙂
I love the idea of using a reason instead of the baby. We plan on having another one, so I definitely will use this tip. Thanks!
what a great tip! It makes it a lot easier if your kids actually like and love each other.
This makes perfect sense and it’s something that moms probably don’t even realize that they are doing. Thanks for sharing!
I didn’t even realize it until I noticed someone else. 🙂
I remember when I realized the same thing. But I’ve forgotten it recently, so thanks for the reminder.
As a mother of 3 I can say that I fully agree with your strategy of not allowing the baby to be the reason the kids have to stop doing something they are enjoying.
These are great tips and ideas. Great ways to keep resentment to a minimum.
Really great tips I could have done with these!
This is a great tip! Makes complete sense! I am pregnant with my second and preventing sibling resentment is super important to me. Thanks for sharing!!
You’re welcome! Congrats on your pregnancy and I am sure your little ones will be great together.
I’m not certain where you’re getting your information, however good topic. I must spend a while learning more or understanding more. Thanks for magnificent info I used to be looking for this information for my mission.
This is an awesome tip! Bodes well! I am pregnant with my second and counteracting kin disdain is super vital to me. A debt of gratitude is in order for sharing!!
When my second son arrived on the scene I made sure to give him plenty of opportunities to cuddle with his baby brother. I asked him to help by handing me diapers, finding toys for his brother,etc.I often told him stories about how sweet and special it was when he was “little”, and how the baby was so lucky to have him for a big brother. The baby had developmental delays and needed speech and play therapy and frequent doctor’s visits. Resentment was a real worry, but I had him help “teach” his brother to speak and learn,thanking him for being helpful and loving. He was the most generous big brother ever, and as adult siblings they have a strong bond still.I also gave him plenty of time alone with me, reading books or just playing with him.
Sounds like you did a great job!! I definitely think having them feel helpful is so empowering for siblings.