50+ Hilarious Mom Lies! These are Good!

These hilarious mom lies help me realize I’m not the only one that tells them. 

Sometimes we all just need to get through the day with our kids and a small lie helps. Whether it’s “the ice cream shop is closed” or “Santa is watching” we’ve all done it. 

My fellow moms have some extra funny and genius mom lies that help them get thru the day. I’m surprised at the brilliance and how quick kids will follow along. I especially love the New Years Eve trick and may use that myself!

50+ Funny Mom Lies

1. When my daughter was younger, I told her every meat was chicken as it was the only way to get her to eat it. I didn’t realize until about a year ago that I never specifically corrected her when I heard her ask to have “That ham chicken” for dinner. She’s 15.

2. Told my kid if the ice cream truck is playing music it means they’re out of ice cream

3. Calamari are chicken nugget rings… he loves them

4. We had a rule when they were young that they couldn’t come out of their rooms until the clock had an 8 as the first number. I changed their clocks to be about 15-20 minutes slower so they weren’t actually coming out until about 8:15/8:20. It doesn’t seem like much, but those extra minutes were really helpful for me.

5. Put an air tag on my 3 year old’s shoe to be able to track him but told him it let us see how fast he can run so he wouldn’t take it off.

6. My daughters fish bowl got knocked over by one of her cats when we were on vacation. Had my friend who was checking on the animals, take the fish tank home with her and once we got back from vacation…I replaced the fish. She didn’t find out until last year…7 years after the fact.

7. Despite telling my 8yr old umpteen times she MUST wear a helmet while on her bike, she would always “forget.” One Saturday morning she walked in the living room, fresh off her bike- no helmet- and one of those tear-jerker College game day stories was on tv. She asked, “why is that kid all bandaged and laid up in that hospital bed?” Yep…. Without missing a beat I said… “He rode his bike without a helmet.”

8. A friend would reset the clocks in her house ahead when she wanted her kids to go to bed early

9. I told my kid that Target was closed to kids during covid… 2 years later he still asks when he will be able to go back

10. Smoke detectors are Santa cams

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11. When our kids were young but old enough to know the time, I would change all of the clocks in the house back 2 hours on New Year’s Eve and celebrate midnight – and ringing in the New Year – at the reasonable hour of 10p. We did it for several years and they never figured it out. We still laugh about it, and our kids think it’s hilarious now.

12. I’ve taken my kids gift cards they have received from grandparents or birthdays and regifted them to THEIR friends for birthdays when I didn’t have time to run out to Target.

13. I told my kid that salmon was “pink chicken”.

14. I told my son that the cameras in the school cafeteria were parent portals so mom and dad could see if he ate his fruits and veggies. I also told my son that all drugs have been contaminated with nuts (he has a nut allergy).

15. Every night, my boys ask me to come check on them 30 minutes after bedtime. They calculate the time I will be back. They have been asking every night for 3+ years. Not once have I come back to check. If they ask, I always insist that I did but that they didn’t remember because they were asleep.

16. My daughter sometimes has an issue going number 2 so I told her Miralax was sugar and she just needs her sugar water to help her go

17. We used to tell our kids Chuck E Cheese was only open for birthday parties.

18. Also told my kids if the car “dings” more than 3 times because of the passenger seatbelt warning, the car automatically alerts the police. It’s been about 5 years and they still believe it.

19. When they want to go to a place( kid approved places) – but I am just not in the mood. I say “it’s closed today darnnnnn” – I feel bad but…. but sometimes I really don’t want to go. 

20. Don’t go over there I saw a roach/snake/frog/lizard” (anytime I didn’t want them somewhere).

21. I also Used to play a game at dinner with my oldest to convince him I was psychic. He’d tell a number to my husband and I’d have to guess the number . My husband would tap my foot the number of times needed under the table so I never missed a guess. He is 25 now and says he never bothered to lie to me because I was psychic.

22. I told my kids fish sticks were chicken tenders for yeaaaarrrss!

23. I used to close all the blinds and tell my kids it was raining (or about to rain) when I didn’t want to leave the house. It was always sunny and beautiful out.

24. I’ve told my kids when they were little that whatever I was eating /drinking was gross so they didn’t try to eat off my plate/drink from my cup.

25. I accidentally killed my daughters fish. The next day while she was at school I bought her another one without telling her. She said when she got home from school, “Wow! Flutter got big!”Yes baby! She sure did!!! She still knows nothing!

26. I told my kids and they still totally believe that only Daddy’s and kids toot…Mommy’s don’t toot.

27. I have skipped pages while reading a book to them.

28. Last week I told my kids Santa was on his way back to pick up the toys they didn’t clean up.

29. I told my kid his favorite movie was broken and wasn’t being made anymore so I couldn’t replace it.  my eye still twitches at the mere thought of Small Soldiers.

30. I used to “buy him everything he wanted”. I’d tell the cashier to bag the items separately, then I’d return them all. I did what I had to do to keep him quiet in a store. Sometimes I’d hand her the item and whisper not to ring it up, or to fake putting them in the bag.

31. He escaped in the wee hours of the morning not once, but twice. After that we had to buy double dead bolts for the doors and hide the keys. He’d pull up a chair and unlock the front door and wander the neighborhood at 5am. He was 3. We hung fake keys on the holder to let him occupy time if he got up at that hour. One morning we peeked out the bedroom and watched him for almost all hour try to get that lock open with those keys.

32. My son insisted on bringing his wallet to Costco. He’s not exactly a responsible one. We got pizza on the way out. Sat and ate. Got up and he walked away. His wallet, and all of his money, was on the table. I grabbed it. He still thinks it’s gone. “Oh well, I’ll get more money eventually.” He’s not exactly easy to teach life lessons to.

33. We are military. Before each move I’d purge my kids toys and blame it on the movers! 

34. I didn’t tell my kids what the ice cream truck was for a good couple years. Since it played music, I told them it was the “dancing truck” and that you are expected to dance in the window as it drives by! When my kids realized that the “music truck” sold ice cream, I acted completely surprised like that was a new thing they had just added. 

If you have taken care of kids I’m sure you have told some good ones as well. Please share so we can all unite. 

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